Crabby Hands started life in the minds of three mentally incompetent young adults whom all shared a fascination with the weird and wonderful things that their world provided. As they met on a cold autumnal Thursday evening, little did they know what was to come and how it would change their lives forever.
Jennifer and Laura took their seats at the back of the old wooden bar, awaiting Kate to return with their precious beverages. They watched intently as Kate waded over, precariously balancing three glasses between her freakishly small, impish hands. She placed the outer glass down on the table first and pushed it towards Laura. She was left with the two half pints of cider that her and Jennifer would devour over the course of the next half an hour.
Laura took the first sip of her half pint of Diet Coke. She didn’t drink that much. Too expensive and not worth it she would moan whenever someone enquired. βSo. How are yous?β
Kate placed her half down on the table as she was about to speak. βI’m good. Just had to do some crappy bead thing for college today. And I’ve managed to prick my finger about ten million times.β She proffered her finger for closer inspection. There was indeed a small collection of red bumps scattered on the end of her finger.
βOh poor you.β Jennifer grabbed Kate’s hand kissed the finger. Kate and Laura both chuckled at Jennifer’s attempt at aiding the sore finger.
βNo Ma the night then?β Laura took another sip of her Coke. Sarah, or Ma as she was more affectionately known, had a habit of attending Thursday evening drinks intermittently, sometimes citing work or bad feet as an excuse for her absence.
βNah. She text me a couple of hours ago saying she was shopping with her sister.β Both Jennifer and Laura rolled their eyes.
βHow can she be shopping? The shops close at eight and it’s…β Jennifer glanced at her phone. β…half past now. Why didn’t she just come straight here?β
βThat’s what I said. But she said she was knackered.β Kate shrugged in defeat.
βNever mind. We can still have a good laugh without her mumsiness.β Laura plucked an offending lemon slice out of her glass. βWhy do they always put fucking lemon in Diet Cokes?β She fluttered the lemon in the air and tossed it onto the table.
βEww. That’s disgusting. Why do you always throw in my direction?β Jennifer grabbed the straw out of Laura’s glass and pushed the lemon back in the direction it flew from. βNi…ce.β She flung the straw onto the floor.
Laura picked the lemon slice back up and wiggled it in front of Jennifer’s face. βUrrghβ Jennifer batted away the slice and it hit the faux leather seat behind Kate’s head.
Kate ducked to avoid the splash as the lemon passed her head. βWatch it.β She leaned back over the table and grasped her hand around the glass in front of her.
βHaha!β Laura gave a massive guffaw and pointed in the direction of Kate’s glass. βCrabby hand! Crabby hand!β She nudged Jennifer, encouraging her to look also.
Jennifer pulled her hand over her mouth and tried to stifle a big but it was not enough. She eventually let out a big chuckle. βIt is! Kate you’ve got a crabby hand.β
Kate kept her hand in position and looked downwards towards her glass. What faced her was not what she expected. He hand was gnarled into a weird, decrepit form. She also burst into laughter. βIt is. That’s awesome. Get a picture and we can put it with the other one.β
A mere two years earlier, a photo had surfaced of Kate at a work’s Christmas party. On that photo was her clasping a spirit based drink. Her hand was curled and her fingers were on jaunty angles. Laura had coined the phrase ‘crabby hand’ to describe such a hand form. From then one Kate had been queen of the crabby hands. And she had done it once more. Two years after the first one, she had resurrected the term once again.
Jennifer whipped out her phone and proceeding to take a picture of Kate’s crabby hand. βHehe. I’ll put it on Facebook.β
βYou should.β Laura sat back and held her stomach, trying to keep the laughter escaping from her mouth in loud bursts.
βYou might as well collect them all and make a website.β Kate suggested. Laura shot upright out of her lounging position and Jennifer froze.
βThat’s a mint idea.β Laura bounced in her seat enthusiastically. βYou could celebrity ones as well, like crabby hand of the week or something.β
Jennifer nodded. Of course it was a damn good idea she thought. βYeah and we could call it Crabby Hands Blog and get our mates and that to give us some to post.β
βWe’ll be rich!β Laura bellowed. She was almost fainting at the brilliant proposition being put forward.
Jennifer offered herself forward. βI’ll build it. I’ll do it on wordpress because that’s free and easy.β
βI’ll provide my own crabby hands.β Kate took another sip of her cider. βI am the queen after all.β
βAnd I’ll just point and laugh at what you build until I find something useful for me to do.β Laura went to take another sip of her coke only to find she had drank it all. βIs that a deal then?β
βYeah.β Kate and Jennifer declared excitedly at the same time.
They were going to be rich, famous and maybe thought of as a little weird. Nevertheless, they had stumbled on something so damn brilliant it just couldn’t fail. The drank the rest of their night away with purpose, with strength and most importantly, with self belief. They were going to make this crabby hands thing work if it was the last thing they were going to do.